Letting Go ...

When I was a little girl, my family spent most of the holidays plotting and planning various holiday destinations which were solely based on the number of amusement parks on offer. The adrenaline rush the park rides rendered was the touchstone in narrowing down the search to  the  exact continent, country and city. I clearly remember going on one such ride that has etched it’s mark in my memory. It was this roller coaster for which I covertly tiptoed as much as I could to make the height limit of 135cms. Little did my 8-year-old mind realise the consequences of my conspiracy. Or, maybe it did but the exuberance of conquering this ride quickly overrode every other doubt I possibly had.

 

I laughed along with everyone, excited to be participating in this great adventure as we moved along the endless line. As the ride commenced, it turned pitch dark and I was instantly jolted into space amongst twinkling stars and Star Wars kind of music. Very quickly things took a snarky turn. Since I had managed to sneak in despite my diminutive stature; I literally started slipping out of my seat. My pulse quickened as my heart skipped a million beats but I decided not to panic and instead tried to think fast. The words that kept repeating in my head were “Hold on tight! Do not let go at any cost.” I tenaciously held the handles of my spaceship till my knuckles turned white and my palms got numb. I clung on for dear life. Then after what seemed like an eternity, the horrendous ride came to a sudden halt amongst cheers from my fellow riders. I sheepishly disembarked with a huge sense of relief in my heart and very wobbly legs.

 

Now as I reflect, I often feel that something that served us when we were young and even saved us from the clutches of death doesn’t necessarily serve or protect us as we get older. How often in life do we tighten our grip on things, circumstances and people that have changed to become something else? It could be an unfulfilling job, a toxic relationship or a nasty friend. We are often told to just hold onto things, even though holding on to them is only making us more miserable. Certain belief systems have been instilled by our culture. Well-meaning, solicitous words from our well-wishers coax us to follow a certain life path. We become what others expect out of us and go along with it. Maybe, if it was our choice completely then it all would turn out very differently. 

 

There are a host of reasons we convince ourselves that it’s impossible. I see it in the man who is miserable doing his job but continues to trudge along every day to his workplace because he’s too scared to change his career path and pursue his dreams. I see it in the friend who stays in her marriage despite her spouse’s multiple infidelities. I see it in the girl holding on to her childhood friend even though she continues to be bullied and belittled, which is no less than emotional abuse. I see it in the individuals who are extremely unhappy with their life decisions. But heaven forbid they break the mould that society has set for them. Or, the one they’ve set for the society they choose to please before they can even dream of pleasing themselves.

 

I often take references from nature and notice how effortlessly it let’s go. In Autumn, many trees lose their leaves. As the temperature drops, the fluid in the leaves cannot endure the winter. The tree must let go even though the leaves served their purpose for a season. A snake sheds its skin because it knows growth is impossible if it holds onto it. Letting go is a process which takes time. Like the leaves and snake, each moment allows us to loosen the grip. By recognizing the present moment, we give up the want for a better past. We forgive and stop staying hostage to it.  

 

Now there are some things we have to hold onto tight, like people and moments that make us happy. But if something makes us feel we cannot breathe isn’t it a sign to let go? 

 

I know it’s easier said than done. I’m guilty of never having learnt to swim. When I finally decided to face my fear; after precisely 4 turns of struggling to stay afloat my exasperated coach declared, “Madam, you have to let go! You are holding on too tight. Your mind is not letting you trust and just be.”  I never managed to learn swimming but his words resonated in my inner core. 

 

Ultimately, it’s an individual choice because whatever society claims it cannot control…

 

So, would you rather hold on to that handle till your knuckles turn white and palms become numb? 

 

Or would you reinvest in yourself by looking up at the twinkling stars in outer space and let go to realise the limitless possibilities of what-ifs ...