What My Deleted Selfies Taught Me About Self-Love

Girl Before A Mirror-Pablo Picasso(1932) Location-MoMA

I’ve always had an overwrought relationship with pictures of myself. I don’t like seeing myself in pictures or taking them. Whenever I look at my pics it usually leaves me feeling that my eyes seem somewhat uneven and my nose is always too big for my face. At the risk of sounding vain, I just feel I don’t look pretty enough. And as I get older matters seems to get worse with my eyebrows getting sparser and little greys making their grand entries. 

And it’s just so simply that the spiral of negative self-talk begins and, in an instant, the picture gets deleted. Fifty more follow sometimes much to the chagrin of those poor victims who happen to be featured in the pictures with me.

One such dismissed picture which had made its way into the recently deleted folder of my phone happened to be seen by a friend who remarked that I looked beautiful and why would I just dump it? That’s when I re-examined it with less critical eyes and thought, "Hmm…not sooo bad."

Now don’t get me wrong; I’m not propagating that we seek our self-worth from others. On the contrary; we get so wrapped up in noticing our flaws that we start feeling there’s a spotlight on us highlighting our imperfections. But people are so busy picking at their own flaws that they barely have the time to notice ours. 

If there’s any doubt, notice how many group pictures are banished from the camera roll because each person is saying, “Nah! This one isn’t that great. The background isn’t good.” and sometimes it goes, “I think the lighting is too jarring, let’s change the angle” when in fact what all of it translates to is that,” I just don’t think I look good in this photo.” And the entire joy of the moment is just lost somewhere because no one seems to get that pristine moment captured with the most accuracy.

This little but frequently annoying habit of mine pushed me to ponder and thus resolve to work on myself. I was then led to delve into the concept of self-love which until now was alien to me. Growing up, it wasn’t a value stressed upon me - never once did I hear the words,” You should love yourself”, nor did I learn of any practices to carry out the same. Until I started getting more self-aware, I didn’t even realize I had an inner monologue in my head which was working like a hyperbole.

 I think we all need to give special attention to that narrative that plays in our head. Because these are the exact thoughts and notions that can strengthen or weaken us and I for one decided it was high time I took responsibility for mine. 

Initially, it was quite challenging because the whole concept sometimes felt more like self-indulgence. But slowly I starting practising this theory with lots of positive affirmations, rituals of long baths with Epson salts, going for regular massages and one time I even took myself on a date. Yes, when I was in Vienna I decided to leave the kids with the husband and went to the ‘Konzerthaus’ to experience a western musical concert. Needless to say, all of the above left me rejuvenated and exuberant. 

 All of these things count but sometimes I feel this is just scratching the surface. For me, self-love became more about getting self-sufficient. It meant investing in myself and it requires a lot of time, energy and resources but the inner work is always worth it and it’s a never-ending journey. 

 I feel daily meditations work wonders for me. It helps in stress reduction and gets me to an overall calmer mental space. It’s also extremely addictive and contagious. The days I get preoccupied my little boy, all of 9 years, reminds me that it’s almost evening and we haven’t meditated yet. It’s a great bonding ritual with ourselves and those around us. It wasn’t easy at first but with the right guidance, my overactive monkey mind started performing fewer gymnastics.

Experiences and challenges are always coming to knock us over and that’s what makes us human. It takes some serious self-love and high self-esteem to bring us back home. I’ve realized that there is so much beauty within each one of us that needs to be celebrated. So, take yourself on that hot date and reclaim your own love. Rediscover yourself by pursuing a new hobby and exercise and nourish your body. 

And then go beyond that. Give yourself that pep talk or a pat on the back for just showing up every single day. And above all forgive yourself, be compassionate, unconditionally accept yourself and trust the Universe. And in case all this sounds ambiguous; just try it for yourself. It really works. The Universe does respond to the frequency you’re resonating in. So, let’s try little by little to raise to the highest frequency. Let’s stop running after others to make us feel worthy and instead create it- for us; by us. 

I like my pictures now a bit more not because I’ve convinced myself I’m a supermodel but because I see them for what they really are - a moment of happiness of a healthy and loved person. I have convinced myself that all the critical self-talk is just my mind spinning up a tale of lies and exaggerations which I now choose to ignore. I rather stop noticing the superfluous double chins and instead fill my own cup of self-love until it runneth over; rest assured without adding any filters or effects.